i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
