is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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