I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
