cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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