So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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