She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize