Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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