First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
