You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize