Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
