I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
