and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize