Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
