Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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