I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
There's even glitter on my cock...
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