i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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