there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
