don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
