I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
