i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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