Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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