Whatcha textin bout Willis?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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