fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
