I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
