why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize