Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
