Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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