I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
