STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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