so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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