The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
they're like a gay fantastic four
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
