i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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