You can't special order awesome
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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