Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
