I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
