i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
