Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
