so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize