I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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