I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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