google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
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