my mouth tastes like poor choices
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
