so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
