I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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