after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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