Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You made out with two different species that night
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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