Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
