i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
