I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
