I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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