We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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