I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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