I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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