Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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