Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
