My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
