Umm I'm too high to move.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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