I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
