You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
