That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
