omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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