just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
