if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
This baby is an asshole
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
