with your own penis?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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