I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
