In the future we'll all be gay
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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