so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
